I am strong

If God only gives us what we can handle I must be a very strong person. So many obstacles to overcome so often.  I know it is Satan working on me to discourage me, but sometimes it is very hard to stay strong and positive.  I will be ok, I know that, but I am sooooooo NOT enjoying this struggle.  I always try to figure out the reasons behind the struggles.  It seems to help me understand why I go through them.  It is just hard this time because I cannot see (in my eyes) why this struggle of no income and no prospects of income are opening up for me.

Today I found out that the Computer Repair shop that fixed my computer the first time around cannot fix it this time.  They said the computer works with the battery but there is no way to charge the battery.  The port you plug into continues to "smoke" and burn. This is NOT the kind of information I needed to hear just 5 weeks prior to the end of the semester.  Especially with 4 major projects due, that require a lot of emailing, research online, etc...

I have borrowed so much money already and I really hate it.  It makes me feel inferior having to ask for money.  Then when I get told "cash in your plane ticket to Texas" it doesn't help.  If I could have cashed in my ticket I would have done this a long time ago.  My ticket is not refundable.  I don't easily ask for money.  It is a struggle for me to do this.  I offered up jewelry, etc to try and get money, use as collateral. I try to figure out options before asking for another loan. The recurring thought in my head is "why are you going to school if you can't afford it". But I am going to school to better myself so I can afford to "take care of myself".  I am just stubborn enough to stay in school to prove that I can make this work.  I am just running out of options. 

I do have a job interview tomorrow.  My sister said "you leave for TX in about a month and a half. It's not really fair to an employer at this point is it to work and quit right away."  That is another struggle I have.  I have a couple of jobs potentially lined up in Texas for the summer. I am going there regardless of whether I have a job lined up or not.  I think it will be good for me to be "self reliant" for a little while.  But I do feel bad about taking a job without telling them I am leaving soon.  I was not raised to decieve, and that is what I feel like I would be doing if I don't tell them.  On the other hand, I am REALLY REALLY struggling financially and have absolutely no money.  And I guess I don't worry about that until I actually get offered a posititon somewhere.... GRRRRR

You never know how strong you are until strong is the only option you have!! I am STRONG!